There is a very specific kind of exhaustion that comes from being a woman in today’s world. Not the kind that comes from staying up too late binge-watching your favorite show because, frankly, those two hours after everyone goes to bed are the only hours that belong to you. No, I’m talking about the exhaustion that comes from carrying everything.
The kids’ schedules.
The grocery list.
The mental inventory of who needs new shoes.
The work deadlines.
The permission slips.
The dentist appointments.
The emotional support responsibilities for approximately everyone within a 20-mile radius.
And somehow, despite carrying enough mental tabs open to crash a computer, you still show up.
You still get the job done.
You still answer the email.
You still make dinner.
You still remember that tomorrow is pajama day at school because that’s information we’re expected to retain while also managing careers and keeping humans alive.
Welcome to womanhood. More specifically, welcome to being the dependable woman. You know the one. The woman everyone calls because she “always figures it out. “The woman who can handle one more thing. The woman who somehow became the family project manager, workplace problem solver, crisis coordinator, and snack distributor without ever applying for the position.
And here’s where it gets interesting. The moment that same woman decides she wants more for herself—more success, more growth, more achievement, more ambition—the conversation changes.
A man works late because he’s building a legacy.
A woman works late because she’s neglecting her family.
A man starts a business and he’s driven.
A woman starts a business and people wonder who’s watching the kids.
A man is ambitious.
A woman is selfish.
Funny how that works.
Society loves successful women—as long as they’re not too successful. We celebrate women breaking barriers right up until they become powerful enough to make people uncomfortable. Then suddenly there are opinions. Lots of opinions. Who is taking care of the children? Does she ever see her husband? She seems a little intense. She’s always working. Meanwhile, Steve has been golfing every Saturday for fifteen years while discussing “business opportunities” and somehow nobody has ever questioned his commitment to fatherhood. Amazing. The truth is, women are often expected to perform an impossible balancing act.
Be ambitious, but not intimidating.
Be successful, but not obsessed.
Be confident, but not arrogant.
Make money, but don’t make anyone uncomfortable with it.
Lead, but be nice about it.
Speak up, but not too much.
Have goals, but don’t let anyone think those goals matter to you.
It’s like being told to run a marathon while carrying everyone else’s luggage and then being criticized for sweating. And here’s what I wish more women understood:
Wanting more does not make you less of a mother.
Wanting more does not make you less of a wife.
Wanting more does not make you less caring, less nurturing, less present, or less worthy.
It makes you human.
Your children do not benefit from watching you abandon every dream you ever had.
Your daughters need to see what it looks like to pursue something meaningful.
Your sons need to see that women’s ambitions matter too.
And your spouse? If they’re truly your partner, they should be cheering from the sidelines, not timing how long you’ve been on the field.
The reality is that many women aren’t trying to “have it all.” They’re simply trying to have some of themselves left. Because somewhere between the school pickups, the meetings, the laundry, the meal planning, and the endless emotional labor, women often become the last item on their own priority list. Then we wonder why burnout is practically our national pastime. Burnout isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes burnout looks like answering emails while eating cold chicken nuggets over the sink. Sometimes burnout looks like crying in the Target parking lot and then walking inside because everyone still needs toilet paper. Sometimes burnout looks like being so tired you forget what your hobbies used to be. And yet, women keep showing up. Every single day. Not because it’s easy. Not because they’re superhuman. But because they’ve convinced themselves that everyone is counting on them.
Here’s your reminder:
You are allowed to be counted on by yourself too.
You are allowed to have goals.
You are allowed to want promotions.
You are allowed to start businesses.
You are allowed to chase dreams.
You are allowed to build something extraordinary.
And perhaps most importantly, you are allowed to stop apologizing for it.
You don’t need permission to be ambitious.
You don’t need approval to be successful.
You don’t need to shrink your dreams to make other people feel secure.
The world has spent centuries telling women to take up less space.
I think we’re done with that.
Take up the meeting room.
Take up the leadership position.
Take up the opportunity.
Take up the dream.
Take up the life you want.
And if someone has a problem with it?
Well, they can add it to their to-do list.
Yours is already full.
